When I was a child
around the age of ten, I read my horoscope, played with Tarot Cards,
and the Ouija Board. Even though I did these things innocently;
however, it opened the door for Satan to have a field day in my life.
My parents fought at least one time a
week. When
they fought and argued, there would be great friction in the house. I
was filled with fear, dread, and anxiety. Covering my head
with a
blanket in my bedroom would muffle the sounds of my parents yelling and
throwing things while they fought. My father was verbally abusive. Not
once in my life do I remember hearing him say that he loved me. He also
sexually abused my sister. I always thought that he would sexually
abuse me. He always had something negative to say to me. My mother was
the exact opposite. She always told me she loved me.
Sleep did not bring any comfort. I would
have
nightmares of witches chasing me off mountain cliffs. In school, I did
not like to talk much even though I usually knew the answers that my
teacher asked me. I tried to be as quiet and as invisible as I could.
Never one to bring attention to myself, I would do a pretty good job of
blending into the classroom wall. My mother was the one who made sure I
had a spiritual background. I grew up in the church. Eventually in my
mid twenties I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. However,
not dealing with my past made me jump from church to church. I would
hope and pray that I would be healed of the oppression and hurt that
filled my past. Even though I was saved, I was walking around wounded.
Even though I had leadership positions in church, I felt spiritually
stuck. My emotions were all over the place. I would be depressed,
angry, fearful. There were days when I would call in sick to work
because I did not want to get of bed.
Before I came to Whole Person
Counseling, I thought
of death and suicide a lot. But, I did not give up hope. I believed
that God would heal me.Thank God for God and for the Internet. I would
pray and continue to search for healing ministries in my area (Maryland
near Washington, D.C.) Online there are many churches and ministries
that will help those who are hurting spiritually. But, there are not
too many ministries that can set aside large blocks of time for weeks
at a time to help one to be whole spiritually. Since I had the first
couple of weeks in the summer free, I decided to make the round trip of
over 3,000 miles on the Greyhound. The trip to Whole Person Counseling
took a total of four days. It was worth every minute. I learned that I
cannot be passive in my walk with the Lord. I must pursue Him with my
whole heart. I am memorizing scripture, reading God's word, praying. I
must engage in spiritual warfare. Now I am at peace with myself. It is
not a struggle to praise God. I love Him. I thank Him for what He has
done and continues to do in my life.
