Ruth's Testimony

Ruth's Testimony

Although I have been a Christian for many years, I never underwent any discipleship, and this affected my spiritual journey with the Lord.

I grew up in a non-christian home where my mother struggled with much emotional pain from the rejection, family and relational problems through her marriage and family. With very little nurturing, love and affirmations from my parents, I overcame the sibling rivalry and their rejection by hiding myself in the world of reading or by day dreaming. Growing up his way, I did not develop much relational skills, and often used escapism to overcome fearful or painful situations: either removing myself from any hurting relationship or suppressing my emotions numbing my feelings or blanking out mentally.

    I was already married with two children when the Lord touched me and I was converted. My husband was working overseas, and I was alone, with two very young children to care for. The reality of God's love for me was very significant and I had sweet fellowship with Him often in my lonely days as a single parent. But due to lack of good biblical foundation, over the years I became very religious, and fearing that my kids will turn out bad, I became very legalistic and harsh, often forcing God upon them, to the point of hurting and scarring them badly. In my later years, as I saw my foolishness and mistake, I lived with years of guilt and condemnation.

    As I was so keen for my husband to know God and take his place as the spiritual head of the family, I was very weighed down by his frequent travel on work. The lack of spiritual knowledge, understanding and wisdom drove me to use my own human strength and ways to coerce him to get a job with less travel, instead of humbling myself to pray for God to work. This drove him from me and home into a job where he lived by himself overseas. Over time, our relationship and marriage suffered increasing estrangement and strife which drove a greater wedge between us. I started to use threats and quarrels to keep my marriage, hurting my spouse more and more. Unfortunately, he response to hurt through anger, hitting back with verbal abuses and foul words, whilst I reacted to the hurt through flight.

    As our marriage soured, and as the hurt grew, I began coping by many attempts to run away, often leaving the house and the children in his care because the shame and pain from those words overwhelmed me. This made him more angry and even more abusive. We were caught in a spiraling cycle of marital abuse which we both saw no hope of getting out. I think we stayed in the marriage for the sake of the children.

    To keep my sanity during those dark years of staying married, I escaped from the pain, disillusion and great despair by closing my heart, and in my mind, spirit and soul, I blanked out, walked away spiritually, and shutting off everything mentally and emotionally. The more angry my spouse became, the more I felt the need to get away and even considered suicide several times.

    My spouse was driven by the failures and pain in our marriage to commit adultery, and after his admission to a 6 year affair, I told him I was going to divorce him. At this point, he wanted to reconcile and sought prayer counseling. I was convicted by the Lord to forgive him as Jesus had forgiven me of my years of mistakes and failures.

    However, the years of distant living and the layers of unresolved conflicts and the anger still lodged in both our hearts made it difficult for us to be totally reconciled without any assistance from a marriage counselor. Then, he used to be away for periods of three months and was home mostly for about two weeks. In his attempt to work at the marriage, this time he was home for longer period and we were facing more communication and other conflicts. In his frustrations, he became more abusive emotionally and verbally and I was feeling more and more overwhelmed by everything and his angry presence. My heart was hurting very badly due to the increasing emotional hurts, like there was a dagger cutting deeper and deeper with each angry outbursts. I soon found myself crying more and more. Soon I was not able to stop crying and every time I sought the Lord to deal with the pain, all I could feel was pain, confusion and a sense of not knowing what to do.

    I began to search the internet for help, and found Whole Person Counseling and Dr Basil's teaching on healing of emotional hurts. Finally, after two years of such struggle, I wrote to him and sought him for counseling.

    Through Dr Basil's teaching and counseling, I saw how I had over time due to my pain, lack of good grip of using the Word of God, in my own strength and self-preservation, had slowly drifted from fellowshipping with the Lord, not looking to Him for comfort, strength etc nor yield to Him in my emotions, thoughts and will. It dawned on me that the emotional hurts over powered me so much that I could no longer renew my mind through the Word of God, but had instead allowed the shame and pain to cause me to blank out my thinking. That the emotional cope out showed I was close to developing mild bipolar disorder. I now fully understand why I had become so emotionally, confused with a terrible sense of inability to cope with so many things, and why I keep blanking out in my mind. My internal world was slowing spinning out of control because I was so ridden with pain, insecurity, guilt and shame.

    To the praise and glory of the Lord, I have been able to get the teachings, the renewal, the personal and marital healing I needed to become whole again. Through Dr Basil's teaching and the proper dividing of the Word of God, I receive much clarity to the many questions I have with regards my spiritual journey and after slightly more than two weeks with him, I return home with restored fellowship in the Lord and a mind that had been restored to functionality.

    This testimony is written four months after I leave Dr Basil's office. I can truly say that during these last few months, the Lord gave me ample opportunities to put to use what was taught at Whole Person Counseling. My faith in the Lord has been restored, and I believe brought to a higher level. My times of refreshing and intimacy with the Lord have increased, and I am beginning to hear Him with greater certainty in my heart than guilt.

    I can only praise and exalt the Lord for His grace, goodness and faithfulness to me. And I thank Him for raising up Dr Basil and using this precious faithful servant of His to touch so many lives, restoring us and giving us hope to live meaningful lives.

*** You may contact Ruth through the e-mail link below. Please put Basil Frasure in the title so that Ruth does not think that your email is a spam.

Links: Counseling Appointments