Sunset Sky
Sex in Marriage

It can be much more beautiful, romantic, exciting, thrilling, and fulfilling than the above picture of clouds at sunset.
    In counseling, I often find married couples who for various reasons stop having sexual relations in marriage.  Often one party withholds sex from the other to control the circumstances. Sometimes a person looks upon sex as being dirty or unnecessary. Sometime people allow emotional wounds from the past to stand in the way of sex in the marriage. The question often arises, "Why should I have sex with my spouse?"  The following outline gives some Biblical reasons for sex in the marriage.  
    Note: Marriage is to be Biblically defined as a covenant relationship before God between a man and a woman.  "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Genesis 1:27). "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18). "And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man" (Genesis 2:21-22). "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

1. It fulfills God's command to be "one flesh".
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
2. It is a natural means of fulfilling God's command to be fruitful.
"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"  (Genesis 1:28).
3. It provides a means of fulfilling needs in your spouse. (being a help meet)
"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him"  (Genesis 2:18).
4. It is "due benevolence" to your spouse.
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband"  (I Corinthians 7:3).
5. Your body is not your own, but belongs to your spouse.
"The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife"  (I Corinthians 7:4).
6. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.
"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"  (I Corinthians 6:19).
7. Your body has been purchased by the blood of Jesus.
"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"  (I Corinthians 6:20).
8. Sex is a gift "rendered" unto your spouse.
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband"  (I Corinthians 7:3).
9. You are not to have authority over your own body, but your spouse is to have that authority.
"The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife"  (I Corinthians 7:4).
10. You may glorify God in your body though sexual relations with your spouse.
"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"  (I Corinthians 6:20).
11. To withhold sex in marriage is to defraud (rob from) your spouse.
"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency"  (I Corinthians 7:5).
12. Separation/divorce is dealing treacherously (being unfaithful to) with your spouse.
"Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.    And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.    For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously"  (Malachi 2:14-16).  It also puts your spouse in a position to be tempted to enter into a new sexual relation with another partner outside of the marriage.
13. Obedience to the Word concerning sex in marriage produces a "confidence" in abiding in Christ.
"Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.    And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.    And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.    And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us"  (I John 3:21-24).
14. That confidence opens the door, by faith, to receive the answers to your prayer requests.
"Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.    And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.    And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.    And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us"  (I John 3:21-24).
15. It is a means of fulfilling the second greatest commandment (to love) in your marriage relationship.
"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.    And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:30-31)

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,  That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish"  (Ephesians 5:25-27).

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children..."  (Titus 2:4)

16. The wife's submission may be a prerequisite for bringing her husband to salvation.
"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear" (I Peter 3:1-2).  When the wife submits her body to her husband it is a picture of the Church's submission to Christ.
17. The wife's submission is a manifestation of the nature of the "inner man" (a meek and quite spirit).
"But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.    For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:    Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement"  (I Peter 3:4-6).
18. The husband's understanding (knowledge) the sexual needs of the wife is a requirement of receiving answers to his prayers.
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered"  (I Peter 3:7).  The husband should understand that his wife needs understanding, tenderness, and romance.
19. Sexual relations in the marriage is a positive means of participating in God's law of sowing and reaping.
"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.    For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.    And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.    As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith" (Galatians 6:7-10).  One who sows affection will also receive affection.
20. Sexual relations involve the "total person" [the BODY] = (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch), [the SOUL] = (mental, emotional, volitional), and [the SPIRIT].
Solomon gives us a beautiful picture of intimacy between a man and his wife. (Song of Solomon 1:1-7:14).

"Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.    Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.    Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.    Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.    Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.    And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?    For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.    His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.    He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray"  (Proverbs 5:15-23).

21. Two Biblical exceptions to sexual relations in marriage:
a. When the woman is in her menstrual cycle.  Leviticus. 15:19-28.
"And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even" (Leviticus 15:19).
b. When they both agree to restrain from sex for the purpose of prayer and fasting.
"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (I Corinthians 7:5).