Love
at first bite
prairie dogs


Premarital Discussion Questions

     The marriage counseling that I do most often is with couples who have already messed up their marriages. Therefore, I see a lot of mistakes that couples make. The following list of questions are good to ask yourself if you are planning a marriage and is also something other counselors may use in their counseling.

Some serious questions to consider asking yourself and to discuss with whom you are considering to marry:

[Y] [N]  Please check Y = yes or N = no

 [  ] [  ] 1. Have both of you given your life to the Lord Jesus?  (You are not to be unequally yoked.)

 [  ] [  ] 2. How long have you been seeing each other?  (Rushed decisions usually cause regret later.)
   
 [  ] [  ] 3. Why are you getting married?  (Only God can fulfill man's basic needs, not a spouse. Women with children often look for a father for there kids ... bad news.  Love is sometimes misunderstood as an emotion or sexual desire rather than a selfless choice of commitment.)
   
[  ] [  ] 4. How do you know that God would have you to get married?  (All too often people respond, "It is not good for man to live alone."  That answer is very shallow although there is truth in it.   You both should HEAR from God. Sometimes one person thinks that he hears from God and the other just takes that person's view without hearing from God for themselves)
   
[  ] [  ] 5. How long do you see marriage to be for?  (Is this a trial marriage with divorce as an out or is this for life?)

[  ] [  ] 6. Is this your first marriage? (People often take all their baggage from their first marriage right into the second or third or fourth one.)
   
[  ] [  ] 7. How do you handle conflicts in your life?   (Do you respond with anger?  Do you withdraw and focus on the hurt? Do you try to make the other person see your view? Do you try to get even by hurting the other person? Of course these all lead to additional conflicts.  Love and forgiveness seeing the other individual through grace and prayer should be a priority.)
   
[  ] [  ] 8. Who is to be the head of the household?  (A major conflict will arise as the woman rebels or try to wear the pants in the marriage.  Of course, Christ is to ultimately be the head of the home.)

[  ] [  ] 9. Where do you plan to attend church?  (Often conflicts arise because one individual wants to go to one church while the other wants to go to another church.  This is significant when children are involved.)

[  ] [  ] 10. Who will control the finances?  (In many homes there is a major conflict over who makes the money and who spends the money).

[  ] [  ] 11. Do you have the consent and approval of your parents (if living)?  (God works through authority.  The age of being old enough to make one's own decisions without the consent of the authority over the individual is stepping out of God's authority and God's perfect will. )

[  ] [  ] 12. How old are you?  (We should note that the HUMAN brain is not mature until an individual is about in their their mid-twenties; therefore, decisions when one is under that age can be immature decisions.)

[  ] [  ] 13. What role will your in-laws play in your marriage? (Controlling in-laws cause major disruption in the marriages).

[  ] [  ] 14. Have you broken generational curses and word curses and found freedom and healing from childhood trauma? (If these generational curses are not dealt with, you will experience some major conflicts later on in their marriage.)

[  ] [  ] 15. Who will be responsible for raising the children?  (There is often a struggle especially in blended a marriage.)
   
[  ] [  ] 16. Can you afford to get married financially?  (Couples may have not fully considered the cost of lodging, food, clothing, transportation and many other essentials.)

 Note: I don't think that any couple will respond correctly on all the questions, but it will give you a head start in marriage when you can respond correctly. 
I think that these questions and information may give you enough to discuss and pray about. 


Photo of Carlton and Eileen, my wife's parents.
True Love Never Fails

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass
brass, or a tinkling cymbal.   And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge;
and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. 
 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, 
and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing. Love suffereth long, 
and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,  Doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own,
is not easily provoked, 
thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but rejoiceth in the truth;  Beareth all things, 
believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 
Love never faileth ... 
And now abideth faith, hope, Love, these three; 
but the greatest of these is love."
(I Corinthians 13:1-8a, 13)

A FEW SCRIPTURAL ANSWERS: (Please understand that there are many other Scriptures that may relate to these answers).

1. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"  (II Corinthians 6:14).

2. "The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want"  (Proverbs 21:5).

3. "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"  (Genesis 1:28).  "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him"  (Genesis 2:18).

4. "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me"  (John 10:27). Every Believer is a sheep that can and should hear from the Lord.

5. "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord"  (I Corinthians 7:39).

6. "The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?"  (Proverbs 18:14). Only Jesus can heal emotional wounds and bruises. "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
To preach the acceptable year of the Lord"  (Luke 4:19).

7. "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you"  (Ephesians 4:32). "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye"  (Colossians 3:13).

8. "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God"  (I Corinthians 11:3). "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives"  (I Peter 3:1).

9. "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching"  (Hebrews 10:25). "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"  (Amos 3:3).

10. "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel"  (I Timothy 5:8). However, the virtuous women in Proverbs 31 also was a business woman who cared for her household.

11.  "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord"  (Ephesians 6:1-4).

12. "Brethren, be not children in understanding: howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men"  (I Corinthians 14:20). "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive"  (Ephesians 4:14).

13. "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?"  (Matthew 19:5). This would also imply that the wife would leave her parents and be one flesh with her husband.

14. "For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them"  (Galatians 3:10).
"Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree"  (Galatians 3:13). Generational curses should be broken.

15. "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward" Psalms 127:3. "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up"  (Deuteronomy 6:7). This is a responsibility for both parents, but especially the father.

16. "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish"  (Luke 14:28-30)

FOR A MORE IN DEPTH STUDY ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY:  https://www.wholeperson-counseling.org/family/family-i.html