I. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That
he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot,
or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his
wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own
flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined
unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery:
but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless
let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and
the wife see that she reverence her husband" (Ephesians 5:25-33).
Note: This is total self-giving love. He can only love his wife
to the degree that he receives the love of God. Through this kind
of love, he brings a sanctification and cleansing for his wife.
II. He is to be tenderhearted toward his wife.
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you"
(Ephesians 4:32).
"Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and
beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel
against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye" (Colossians 3:12-13).
The one major complaint that I get from most women about their husbands
is that they are not tenderhearted (sensitive to their feelings).
"He just can't show his emotions."
III. He is to be the provider for the family.
"But if any provide not for his own,
and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and
is worse than an infidel" (I Timothy 5:8).
"For even when we were with you, this we commanded
you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat" (I Thessalonians
3:10).
God works through the husband and father to provide to for the wife
and the children. This provision should also include protection from
physical or emotional harm.
IV. He is to be the spiritual head under Christ.
"But I would have you know, that the
head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and
the head of Christ is God" (I Corinthians 11:3).
"For the husband is the head of the wife, even
as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body"
(Ephesians 5:23).
This means that he is to carry the major burden of responsibility in
being the spiritual leader for the family. God is to work through
the authority of the husband to minister to the family.
V. He is to rule his household by example.
"One that ruleth well his own house,
having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For
if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of
the church of God?)" (I Timothy 3:4-5).
"Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but
being ensamples to the flock" (I Peter 5:3).
The husband should be the spiritual leader and rule by a living example
on a daily basis.
VI. He should live with his wife with knowledge.
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker
vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers
be not hindered" (I Peter 3:7).
First, the husband should recognize that the wife will operate on four
planes (the emotional, the physical, the intellectual, and the spiritual).
He should also understand that he is to recognize which plane she is on
and encourage her to move to the spiritual if she is not already there.
Second, since generally the wife is has a tendency to move on the emotional
plane, she can easily be led astray by the enemy.
VII. He is to have a romantic love for his wife.
"Drink waters out of thine own cistern,
and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains
be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy
thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace
the bosom of a stranger?" (Proverbs 5:15-20). (Also see the Song
of Solomon).
"The wife hath not power of her own body, but
the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body,
but the wife" (I Corinthians 7:4).
Another complaint that wives often have is that their husband no longer
takes time to be romantic.
VIII. He is to be committed to his marriage.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"
(Genesis 2:24). (like plywood glued together).
"For this cause shall a man leave his father and
mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh"
(Ephesians 5:31).
"And I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me
many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another
man: so will I also be for thee" (Hosea 3:3).
"And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away
his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her" (Mark 10:11).
A wife needs to know that he is committed unto the marriage! It
is a security matter for her.
IX. He is to be fruitful and multiply.
"And God blessed them, and God said unto
them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it:
and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air,
and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth" (Genesis 1:28).
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and
the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in
the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed,
but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate" (Psalms 127:3-5).
If a man has three children, he has addition, but it takes the minimum
of four to multiply. This a command of the Lord!
X. He is to lay up an inheritance for his children and grandchildren.
"A good man leaveth an inheritance to
his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the
just" (Proverbs 13:22).
"Behold, the third time I am ready to come to
you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you:
for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for
the children" (II Corinthians 12:14).
This first of all should be a spiritual inheritance. Second, it
should be financial or provisional.
XI. He should be alert to seductive women and guard his eyes.
"For the commandment is a lamp; and the
law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To
keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange
woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither
let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a
whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress
will hunt for the precious life. Can a man take fire in his
bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals,
and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour's
wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent. Men
do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry;
But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance
of his house. But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh
understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A
wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away"
(Proverbs 6:23-33). (See also 7:6-27).
* Men, be alert! The consequences for adultery are long lasting.
"I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should
I think upon a maid?" (Job 31:1).
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on
a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his
heart" (Matthew 5:28).
When man's wife sees him looking lustfully at another woman, it destroys
her trust in her husband. Remember that a man is generally first
stimulated sexual by vision.
This would also include pornography on the internet.
XII. He should have a heart toward his children and teach
them.
"And he shall turn the heart of the fathers
to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I
come and smite the earth with a curse" (Malachi 4:6).
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and
the fruit of the womb is his reward" (Psalms 127:3).
"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to
wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians
6:4).
* This means that a father should see his children as gift from God
and devote quality time with them. He is to keep his promise to his children
that they do not become angry at him.
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is
one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine
heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk
of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the
way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be
as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts
of thy house, and on thy gates" (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and
when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
Although the father may delegate some of the details to the wife, it
is the father's responsibility to have oversight in training the children
especially in the Word of God.
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